


Cages

by Ketita



Series: winging it [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Backstory, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 13:14:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1057200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ketita/pseuds/Ketita
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi prized Erwin's life over keeping his wings a secret, and now he has to deal with the aftermath - trying to trust Erwin despite a deep-seated conviction that it will only lead to betrayal.<br/>Then, a sudden meeting brings back a wave of memories that hint that maybe it's not just paranoia. Levi will need to exorcise old ghosts before he's able to give Erwin a chance.</p><p>(Chronologically, the first installment of the series)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cages

**Author's Note:**

> **PLEASE READ**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  All of you repeatedly asked for a fic about Erwin discovering Levi's wings, and about how Levi discovered them himself. So here's both ideas all wrapped up in one story, and I apologize in advance because I think at least a few of you thought that it would be, um, a _happy_ story.  
>  It's not.
> 
> The thing is, not only is this fic kind of heavy and painful, it also shows some of the things that come later in a REALLY DIFFERENT LIGHT, and some scenes which may have seemed happier or more optimistic will suddenly not be.  
> To the point where I might say, if you want to continue viewing the previous fics as completely cute and fluffy, maybe you should skip this one, or at least take into account that there will be editing to some of the iffy stuff later on. 
> 
> This 'verse is a WIP, and it ended up going in a bit of a different direction than I had originally intended. This means I'll probably have to go back and do some editing on the previous parts, to take certain issues into account, because right now there's a dissonance - in some cases, an extreme dissonance. I need to do some thinking about how I want this 'verse to look from here on out. As of now, though, this fic stands as I wrote it, and it will take me time to do the necessary editing to the other parts and to really consider where I want to go with it. 
> 
>    
>  **also please note the warnings in the fic tags**

The deeper they got into Sina the more Levi felt the walls closing in, tightening like a noose, becoming knots of tension in his back where his wings should be. When they reached their destination, a large mansion brightly lit from inside, Levi nearly balked.

High, narrow glassed windows spilled light into the gloom, too narrow by far for his wingspan. The doors were large but guarded; heavy, wooden things that must latch securely. This was the kind of house Levi would have broken into once, in the dead of night, after spending at least a week plotting entry and exit. He would have come and gone silently, never visible, never through the front door.

If not for the many other people streaming in he would have thought it a trap. But surely so many people, dressed in posh, expensive, impractical clothing wouldn't be here just for show. Surely…

"Levi?"

His gaze jerked back to Erwin and he realized that his footsteps had slowed the closer they got to the great doors. He made sure his scowl was intact and picked up speed once more.

"If you want to back out, you should have said something earlier," Erwin chided. He looked far more comfortable here than Levi liked. Erwin being a military man was one thing, but seeing him with the nobles made his stomach turn unpleasantly.

"I _said_ I'd do it," Levi muttered, shouldering past Erwin.

"You also said you'd try to be pleasant." Erwin kept stride with him easily.

"I don't know why we can't do the 'tamed menace' shtick and have me hang around behind you glaring at everything. It makes you look good. I've got helluva glare, I've worked on it for years."

Erwin's face tightened – narrow eyes, pinched lips, hardened jaw. He was really going all out for this. When he spoke his tone was low, because they were almost among people now. "It's not fair to you. I won't have them treating you like a rabid dog."

Levi opened his mouth then shut it, unsure of how to respond. He didn't know what to make of somebody trying to protect him, especially from something as ephemeral as the bad opinion of some fat Sina pigs. It made him want to trust Erwin, though mostly he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Erwin had him by the stranglehold of his secret, yet seemed to be pretending that he wasn't aware of how Levi _had_ to obey him now, because there was nowhere for him to run, anymore. Not if he wanted to continue living as a human.

He shrugged and looked away from Erwin's face so he wouldn't have to see his expression.

"It had to be you," Erwin said, repeating what he had been telling Levi from the first time he had asked him to come to this function. "People hear about you and how strong you are. They want to meet you, and we need funding-"

"I know," Levi snapped.

Erwin fell silent, then, because they had reached the door and were among people now. Just like that, his expression became cordial and elegant, leaving Levi to try and figure out how it was done. The most he could manage was unpleasant-neutral, and the disgusting cattle currently flocking to them hardly deserved even that.

He tagged behind Erwin now, just at his left shoulder, and pretended to listen while Erwin introduced him to person after person. The air inside was warm and suffocating, the crowds closer than he would like. Sickly-sweet scents bombarded him, of both food and perfume, setting his teeth on edge even more. And Erwin expected him to remember names in all of this?

The one saving grace was the fact that Erwin was right about his popularity, though he hated to admit it. He saw the way eyes lit up when his name was mentioned, how gazes that had previously skittered over his head returned with sharp interest. More than one person sent him a covetous look, like greasy fingers under his skin. At least they heard of him because of his strength and power, were interested because he was dangerous.

He would rather Erwin had allowed him to play a bridled threat, though as time went by, that image was beginning to become obsolete. Fear was better than the alternatives. People who feared him didn't let themselves go, didn't allow themselves to make the constant, repeated comment of "you're shorter than I expected!" followed by a guffaw, as if they were original. As if there was anything funny about it at all.

After five or six of those, Levi could resist no longer and bit out, "Twenty centimeters one way or another don't matter when you're fighting a fifteen-meter titan." There was a brief lull, enough for cold sweat to break out on the back of his neck because _surely now Erwin would be angry, what would Erwin do to him if-_  
̶ and then talk broke out once more, agreeing with him, oh so _fascinated_ and _interested_. He caught Erwin's approving smile from the corner of his eye and felt his spine relaxing just a bit. Enough that when one of the women asked him to tell about his exploits, he felt a reasonable amount of confidence telling about a kill he'd made, and even managed to not fuck up the end – where his squadmates were crushed and swallowed and torn apart, while the people in front of him ate and drank and listened wide-eyed. He managed to make it sound sad and heroic, and not like the horrific bloodbath it had been, that might have been prevented if these people wore less gold and the Survey Corps had more funds.

He was starting to think maybe this wasn't so bad – relative to the misery he had been imagining, of course. He had just taken another of the tiny bite-sized sweet things from a waiter when his eye caught someone he hadn't expected to see here, or ever again, and the room spun as if he'd lost control of his wires and was plummeting through free fall.

The man was grossly fat _a visceral memory of the weight on top of him, rolls of it everywhere, sweat clammy,_ with pudgy hands _touching his wings, stroking his feathers,_ face as ugly as Levi remembered it _leering at him past metal bars._

Of course, of course, Erwin had brought him here to show him off – to _show him off,_ a curiosity like no other, a fantastic creature, a specimen – and he had nowhere to run. Erwin's hand descended on his shoulder with the finality of a trap closing, and all Levi could think of was that he was close enough to stab with the knife in his boot, though if he had time for only one, surely it would be better to turn the knife on himself?

"Levi? What's wrong?" And Erwin had the temerity to look _concerned._

"You brought me here," Levi said, and he thought his voice sounded normal but his throat was closing around a kind of panic. He thought he'd buried those memories, thought he didn't remember them _at all,_ his childhood was a blur of miserable nothing until he had broken free of that cage and started _living_. "You brought me here to – to show them –"

"I brought you here because you're becoming famous." Erwin's voice was level, his eyes burning through Levi's own. Everything about him spoke of honesty and trust, and Levi wanted to believe him so badly it hurt because the alternative wasn't an option. "And so you could tell them what it's like to be in battle, so they'll support the Corps. I brought you because there's nobody else I'd rather have at my back." If Erwin was annoyed that they kept coming back to this, that he had to explain himself over and over, he didn't show it.

"Who is he?" Levi forced out, pulling on Erwin's sleeve and _he shouldn't be acting like this, he was being called Humanity's Strongest, he had ruled Sina's underworld, he could kill almost everybody here with his bare hands and no effort but he just couldn't still his heart, couldn't make the blood in his veins cool._ "Fat man in purple, over there, who is he? _Do you know him?"_

Erwin looked over, following Levi's gaze. Unconsciously (or was it?) his hand rested lightly against Levi's back in support (or was it to make it easier to catch him, knock him down?). But his expression was still casual, though faintly worried. "That? He's… Count… Gabor. That's his name. I had been planning to talk to him later. He's got money to spare and no children to inherit – unsurprising, given his… hobbies," Erwin tacked on in an undertone. "We don't have to if you don't want to."

Just like that, and Levi was suffused with a burning need to talk to the man, with a blade in his boot and strength in his arms, and – just maybe – Erwin at his back. He wasn't the child he'd been, that the man – Gabor, he had a name for the ugly face, now – had found so easy to knock around. Would Gabor recognize him?

What would Gabor look like with Levi's blade in his throat, a red line cut across, blood bubbling down his expensive shirt? Levi wanted to smile. He _had_ to talk to him. "We're going," he said. "You want his money? Let's get his money. Come on." _Stay close,_ he wanted to say, but that was weak.

"I think we'll step outside," Erwin said gently.

Levi whirled on him. "Don't-"

"I could use some air." Against Erwin's disarming smile, he found it difficult to protest, moreso because he had promised not to make a scene. With ill grace he trailed Erwin through the crowd, so busy watching for Gabor that he hardly noticed when they had reached another set of ornate doors that opened onto a large veranda.

Cool air rushed into his lungs, as if he hadn't breathed for ages, and the sight of the sky loosened the tight knots in his back. He found himself with both hands grasped tight around the stone railing, gulping in air and freedom. He could run, now, if he needed, even without his wings. He was safe.

Safe enough that shame started creeping up on him. He turned back to Erwin, tongue like lead in his mouth, wondering how to explain his behavior. His weakness.

"Here." Erwin was holding out a glass of something, the color unclear in the light thrown from inside. Grateful for the distraction, Levi snatched at it and downed it in one go, only to choke on the unexpected burn as it went down. He managed to gasp out a few curses between coughs, making Erwin apologize.

"You looked like you needed it," he said, when Levi had straightened up and recovered enough to glare at him.

"I… _need_ to talk to him."

For a few seconds he thought Erwin would deny him, and where would that leave Levi?

"Did he hurt you?" Erwin asked, and that was nearly enough to cut the ground out from beneath Levi's feet. How could you encompass _endless, empty days in a cage, the sky a far-off barely imagined thing, taken out occasionally under chain and whip_ with the mere word 'hurt'? This time, though, Levi knew to expect the vertigo, knew to push it away and steel himself. It had happened in another lifetime. He didn't answer, just watched Erwin quietly until the man nodded and gestured Levi to follow him inside.

And that moment, something changed. Because Erwin hadn't argued with him, hadn't pushed, hadn't demanded; he'd _listened_ to Levi, even though he didn't have to. And now he had expertly wormed his way into the knot of people surrounding Gabor, making introductions and stepping back discreetly when the attention inevitably turned to Levi.

And there he was, face to face with a half-forgotten nightmare. Levi forced himself to look at the man as he was, not as he remembered: brown eyes with bags beneath them, set in a face that seemed to be fleshy and sagging everywhere. Thick lips under a graying mustache. Large body, taller than Levi (but then, most men were), more than double his width with fat barely-contained in an expensive shirt. A stupid, fawning expression was on his face, thrill at meeting something exotic like Levi, coveting his attention.

Not a bit of recognition in those piggy eyes.

To Levi, he looked like the epitome of sloth and evil, misshapen like a titan and just as lacking in intelligence. Just as easy to kill, or maybe as hard. Maybe other people saw him differently, he considered; maybe they thought he looked like a jolly old man. His friends (as much as Sina nobles had friends) certainly considered him entertaining enough.

Levi hardly knew what was asked and what he answered, he was so busy watching the man, wondering. Was the uniform so good a disguise? Had he changed so much? Had Gabor never truly looked at the boy attached to the wings? Was this really the man who could do what titans never did, make his stomach clench in fear?

Just like that, between one heartbeat and the next, Erwin was leading him away. He could hardly believe that nothing had happened. Gabor's life continued, his life continued, though the world around him felt brittle against his senses.

"Did you get what you wanted?" Erwin asked in an undertone. Levi's eyes snapped to Erwin's blue ones, and for once he didn't consider that maybe Erwin had some secret plan he was hiding from Levi, or ulterior motives, or that the gentle concern he saw was artifice.

His walls were down, his guts exposed. "I don't know."

"Okay," Erwin said. He didn't exploit the visible weakness. He just turned away and allowed Levi to put himself back together, acting as a buffer against the world until Levi stepped back up to his shoulder, composed once more.

\---

He didn't know if he was awake or asleep, drowning in memories or hunted by nightmares. Sometimes he felt the sheets tangled around him, tight in a stranglehold. The pillow burned against his cheek until he tossed it aside. And sometimes he sank into half-oblivion while images danced behind his closed eyelids until he gasped himself back to awareness.

Memories he didn't even know he had crowded up against the backs of his eyelids; in most cases, memories he would rather have continued living without. He dreamed of the endless dreariness of a cage, two paces and two paces, suspended above the ground and arched like a bird's cage. Every movement of his made it rock sickly, until he hardly had any strength to bite at the hands that clutched greedily at him through the bars. Try as he might, he could hardly remember a time before it, though he hadn't been very young when he'd been caught, his shirt tearing to expose the small, weak wings on his back he'd tried to keep hidden.

He'd known his name was Levi. It was the one bit of knowledge he clung to when his mind threatened to shut down, when language lost its meaning and time stopped. He'd clung to his name and to hatred for the face that leered at him from between the bars, relied on them to keep him going for one more day. Even when he'd gone to sleep hoping he wouldn't wake up.

Levi sat up in bed with a muffled curse. Several of his bunkmates voiced complaints, sleepily told him to shut up (which they would have never dared awake). Not bothering to get dressed, Levi pulled on his boots, slipped his knife into its boot sheath and headed to the window. Impotent fury pounded in his veins, made him throw open the shutters and practically fling himself out of them. He sliced his hand open on the way down and his wings burst into being with just enough room to catch him above the courtyard stones and pull him up into the sky.

He wheeled higher and higher until the individual lights shrank to yellow stars on the ground and still it wasn't high enough. Here he was, tormented by memories while Gabor slept peacefully, when it was _Gabor_ who should suffer. _Not fair, not fair_ pounded through him with every wingbeat, by rights Gabor's life should be his – and why not? Why the fuck not? Who would tell him not to claim his revenge – Erwin? He wasn't one of Erwin's pet soldiers, caged by their minds as much as the walls. He could just fly over right now and—

No. He was going to do this right. He'd done hits before, you don't just rush in like an idiot. Even if you can fly in and out. He needed information, maps, timetables. Bribes, maybe, so he'd have time to kill Gabor as slowly as he wanted.

He knew where to get these things, though he'd have to be careful. He wouldn't jeopardize Erwin, even for this.

Of course, he'd have to keep it secret, because Erwin couldn't forbid what he didn't know about. The rage in his belly was shifting, turning to a burning kind of happiness that made him giddy with adrenaline, tugged his mouth into what he knew was an extremely unpleasant smile.

He had forgotten what it was like, to be uninhibited.

Plans buzzed through his mind as he landed behind one of the buildings, already thinking about where he had to go, who he could talk to. He hardly had to grit his teeth against the agony of cutting off his wings, this time. Confirming once more that they dissolved to nothing was worth any pain.

\---

Hange slid into her customary seat across from him at the mess hall at lunch.

"So what's up with you?" she asked. "You keep on forgetting yourself and getting this positively nasty grin. It's been going on all day. You're scaring people."

"Nothing." Levi worked to school his expression back into a scowl. He'd thought he was doing a better job of controlling himself.

"You're up to something."

Levi hummed noncommittally, pushing food around his plate.

"I want in."

"No," Levi said, too quickly. "Even if I were up to something, which I'm not saying I am, it's got nothing to do with you."

"Aww." Hange pouted. "You've got to tell me! Knowing you, it's something really crazy. I've missed that shitty grin of yours. You never smile anymore." She waved her fork in emphasis, putting the eyes of everyone in the vicinity in jeopardy.

"It's… not like that," he said. Hange's innocence reminded him that he was different, that he was plotting the death of a man and getting great satisfaction out of it. He wasn't a good person, never mind how much Erwin might want to pretend he was civilized. "You shouldn't get involved."

"Hey." Hange was frowning now. "It's hard to miss the fact that you've been treating our commander like a poisonous snake ever since he found out, but what've you got against me? I kept your secret. I never told Erwin. Haven't even told him I knew. Whatever this is, I can keep mum. I just don't want you off doing things by yourself. You get all these awful ideas and think they're sane."

Levi regarded her, bit his lip, wavering. It was true, she'd promised to keep his wings a secret from Erwin – and she had. Unless Erwin was a _really_ good actor, to fake really obvious shock on a level he'd never seen from their oh-so-controlled commander. Still… "Did Erwin tell you to do that? To play along so I trust you?"

Hange rolled her eyes hard. "I swear you're the most paranoid sunovabitch I've ever seen. _No_ , Erwin's not telling me to cater to your harebrained ideas, why would he do that? He's terrified of the kind of mischief we can get up to together."

It would be nice, to have a partner again. "Swear?" he asked, eyes narrowed. "No telling Erwin." He _wanted_ it, but still, it was a bad idea, such a bad idea… But she agreed, and he found himself leaning forward conspiratorially. "Remember when you asked to touch my wings?"

To her credit, Hange winced a little at the memory. Levi had reluctantly allowed it at the time, but at the first contact with her fingers had been seized by disgust that felt almost physical, and had nearly knocked her down trying to get away.

"I found the guy responsible for – my reaction."

Her mouth opened in a silent _oh_ , and if she dared show pity he was going to punch her in the face right this second.

"So you're going to take care of him," she said. In her carefully neutral tone it was hard for him to identify exactly how she felt about the idea. But she hadn't told him not to, not yet. "Who is he?"

Levi hesitated. "Better you shouldn't know – not because I don't trust you!" he added quickly. "Because it puts you at risk if shit goes down."

"If somebody high-profile suddenly gets taken out in the next few days, I'm going to make assumptions. Why not skip to the end and be done?"

"It's not the same," Levi said stubbornly. "That's my condition, take it or leave it." Now Hange was smiling at him. "What?"

"You're cute. Look at you, all protective."

"That's not going to make me change my mind."

"I know." Her smile widened.

He seriously did not get Hange. He was planning murder, she thought he was cute. Whatever. "One thing you may be able to help me with. I need a disguise. There's people I need to talk to. Information to get. But if any of my old… friends come across me it'll probably end badly."

"You mean bloody."

"Same thing."

"Hmm." She tapped a finger against her chin. "My first instinct would be to dress you as a woman, but your build is really wrong for that." She laughed. "You'd make an awfully… square woman, even if your face could pass, with the right makeup. A fat woman, maybe?"

Levi considered it, even though he wasn't convinced Hange wasn't just fucking with him. "Padding would make it hard to move if it came down to a fight."

"True." Hange brightened with a new idea. "Send me! Nobody'll recognize me for sure."

"Are you crazy? How do you expect to get all the way to Sina?"

"How were _you?_ "

Levi made flapping motions with his hands and raised his eyebrows at her. She bit her lip and grinned.

"Right. Good point. But you could carry me."

Levi leaned his chin on one hand, opened his mouth, closed it, and finally spoke. "Just to make sure we're on the same page here. You're volunteering to be flown into the Sina underworld to trade information with criminals, in order to help me arrange a murder. Is that about right?"

"…I suppose, when you put it that way…" she hedged, sobered, and Levi already felt his heart sinking just a bit. "I'd rather say that I'm volunteering to milk some criminals for information in order to help a friend get revenge on some nasty shithead. How's that?"

Levi didn't know what to make of her, warm brown eyes glinting mischievously at him from behind her glasses, a grin on her face. It looked like she was serious, but _why?_ What was in it for her? Did she really trust Levi enough that if he said he was going to _murder_ somebody, she accepted that he had a good reason? Then again, he knew about as much about Hange's background as she knew about his own. He knew that she hated titans with a burning passion (which was being increasingly directed towards researching them, these days), and that she kept her word.

Was that enough?

His heart was crawling out of whatever hole it hid itself in most of the time and was tentatively saying _yes._

"Let's do it," he said. Hange threw up her hands and whooped with an enthusiasm that completely didn't match what they were planning.

\---

"So!" Hange flung open the trunk at the foot of her bed. Levi was sitting on the bunk across from her, ready to administer wardrobe advice. Of course, technically, he wasn't supposed to be in the women's barracks, but nobody made a fuss unless people were really obvious and rowdy about it. "How should we do it? Want me to sex it up? I've got something… ha! What do you think?" She held up a dark red dress, off the shoulder and low-cut.

"No good," Levi said, "nobody would buy it."

"Gee, aren't you charming." Hange gave him a flat look.

"I just mean, you can't have your shoulders bare. You look like a Scout, you're way too broad shouldered for a Sina girl," he replied, uncharacteristically flustered. She looked entertained, so he schooled his expression and hoped he wasn't blushing.

"So how do you think I should dress?"

Levi considered. "Maybe go the other direction. Try to look innocent. They won't be expecting you to be shrewd, and if you have to fight, they _definitely_ won't expect that."

"Delicate, got it." Hange started tossing clothes out again, picking through and discarding items.

"You should let your hair down, too," Levi added. "And don't forget to change glasses, only soldiers use the straps."

"Gotcha." Hange finally selected a dark skirt with embroidery around the bottom, paired with a light blue blouse decorated with little flowers. With not a shred of shame, she efficiently stripped down to her underclothes and started getting redressed. Levi was never quite sure if he was supposed to look away or not. He usually settled for just trying to be as casual about it as she was.

The clothes were baggy enough in the right places to hide her muscles, transforming her from a soldier into something soft and feminine. She unpinned her hair, shaking it out and finger-combing it until it fell about her shoulders. Or rather, trying to finger-comb it, because she gave it little more than a few yanks before shrugging and giving up.

"Please," Levi said, pained. "Give me your hairbrush." In spite of her protests, he managed to tame the brown mess into something less awful – though he was going to have to wash his hands now, because it was way greasy. He made sure Hange knew it, but she just laughed and called him picky.

"On second thought," Levi suddenly said, looking at the general effect of her, "why not wear your uniform and gear underneath? It'll make getting in and out easier."

"You couldn't have said this before I took everything off?" Hange flipped him the bird, but started stripping again.

Not fifteen minutes later found them heading out of base, with Hange loudly telling anyone who would listen that she was going to get Levi totally sloshed "for science!". They had a nervous moment when Rob wanted to come, too, but Hange quickly convinced him that she wasn't going to be responsible for anybody else's health if Levi went berserk, and it was probably better to leave dangerous experiments up to those qualified.

Levi mostly tried to pretend he was somewhere else, far away, and resist the urge to throttle her. It's not a bad idea, he reminded himself. Hange was providing them with an alibi and a reason why Levi's pay was going to be greatly diminished, if anybody thought to investigate.

Finally they were out of eyeshot of the gate guards and had a stretch of open semi-wooded land ahead. They directed the horses off the road, among the trees, and dismounted and tethered them to wait. Hange pulled her change of clothes out of the saddlebags and slipped them on over her uniform.

"Knife," Levi said, holding out his hand.

"Oh, right." Hange lifted her skirt to reach the boot sheath. Lucky her feet were big enough (and Levi's small enough) that they could trade boots without too much discomfort. At least for now, when they weren't expected to fight titans. She tossed Levi the knife, which he ran lightly over the palm of his hand, and allowed his wings to materialize.

When he handed the knife back to her, he saw that her expression was sober, far more serious than it had been all day.

"I haven't forgotten," she said quietly. "This isn't for fun. This is to get back at the asshole that hurt you."

Levi nodded, mouth dry. The rage was as potent as it had been, though just a bit banked, more focused. He held out his arms and Hange climbed onto him, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders. Levi linked his arms at her back, providing support, spread his wings, and pulled them both into the sky. Taking off was an effort, his wings straining just a bit to get them airborne, but once they leveled off he was okay. He made a mental note to try and find a rooftop to drop from when they left Sina.

Normally when he gave people rides they wanted to watch the scenery, so Levi was surprised when he happened to glance down to find Hange's eyes on him, watching the beat of his wings intently. The attention made his stomach turn with disquiet, but he reminded himself that it was okay, it was safe. This was Hange, and she hadn't betrayed him. She saw him as more than a pair of wings with a human attached.

They landed with little incident in a dark alley in Sina. Hange straightened her hair and changed clothes, then wrapped up in the shawl she'd brought. She clasped one hand at her throat and gave Levi a worried, wide-eyed look of innocence.

"Do I pass?"

"Yeah. Just remember –"

"I got the briefing already," she said, cheeky. "You're as bad as Erwin with repetitions."

"Am not!" he called after her, as she skipped out of the alley.

Nothing to do now but wait. Damn it. It wasn't that he didn't trust Hange – he'd given her all the information, where to go, what to say, what he needed, and Hange was bright enough to think her way around trouble, and strong enough to fight if she had to.

He just hated waiting. He couldn't even sit down because there was filth everywhere, and best case it would just contaminate his clothes, but it'd be impossible to keep it off his wings. In the end, he flew up to perch on the edge of the rooftop, picking a vantage point where the alley and its surroundings were clearly visible. In case somebody was watching, he lowered his wings at the shoulders, flattened and spread them to either side. From afar, they might be mistaken for a particularly dramatic cloak.

The moon climbed in the sky, almost full tonight, lighting the turrets of Sina with pale blue luminescence. Levi decided to move, and found a reasonably clean ledge out of the moonlight and away from prying eyes. He listened to the city, its hum familiar as an old glove: the sounds of drunken brawls, thieves, the helpless, the hopeless. He wondered if he missed being a part of Sina, slinking through the night, as opposed to one of the Survey Corps, visible and obvious as the day. He wasn't sure. There was a lot to be said for good meals and comrades he could tru-

Well. He had been able to trust them. Before they _knew_ and it all became a matter of time. Erwin had spoken so eloquently, bound Levi with words and a soft voice, with promises and entreaties when Levi had tried to run. So Levi had stayed, consented to have Erwin train him in new ways and try to mold him into a weapon better than before – and all the while, couldn't erase the memory of the burning, covetous look in Erwin's eyes. He had been willing to join the Corps, to dedicate his life to Humanity, knowing he'd be used up whenever Erwin saw fit to break him. He'd been okay with that. But now…

He still remembered the day they'd graduated, when he'd stood among the people he'd trained with and had been no more or less human than anybody else. He might be more skilled than them at using the gear, but his talent was fairly won in training. For the first time in his life he'd had comrades who accepted his place among them, who he didn't have to fight at every turn, and didn't have to use his wings to gain an advantage against. To titans he was food, the same as every other human.

For a year, he'd been happy, though he lost friends in bloody battles, same as every other surviving Corps member. Sometimes he'd gone flying at night for no other reason than pleasure, and for the first time in his life it _had_ been pleasurable. He'd thought that maybe the curse of his wings was finally lifted – so much, that in a moment of utter irrationality he'd decided to tell Hange about them, because Hange had read forbidden books and fought at his back and was his friend.

And Hange had been amazed, in a good way. When she asked him a million questions he didn't have the answers to, she'd promised to help him find them. She'd promised not to tell, and kept it, but from that day on Levi hadn't slept as soundly. He alternated between relief at sharing his secret to fear of what would happen next, crawling memories of something picking at the edge of his consciousness (memories that had been thrown into stark relief at the sight of Gabor's face).  
Then Erwin had gone and nearly died, and Levi had jumped to rescue him _because what were his wings for if he couldn't even save Erwin, who had given him this chance at freedom_ and everything had changed.

Erwin used his men like tools. With Levi proven unique beyond any other, suddenly he could be used up not only as a human, but as a – whatever the hell he was when his wings showed up. The freedom of being one of Erwin's many soldiers was gone, and the freedom of escape was forever lost to him. Erwin told him when to use or not use his wings, and if he found out about Levi's current jaunt, his plans, he'd surely punish Levi.

Levi shuddered, remembering his stint in prison. It was so _easy_ to punish him, if you knew how.

Back then, Erwin had helped him as nothing more than another _human_ , and now-

Levi clenched his fist and felt a jolt of pain, blinked back to the present to find the fingers of his left hand buried in the feathers of his right wing, half wrapped around him. Consciously he forced his fingers to relax and straightened the barbs he'd pushed out of place. He dropped his hand, embarrassed to be caught preening though there was nobody around to see. It just felt _wrong_ , sinking into the mindless, animal pleasure of stroking through and brushing his feathers back into place.

It wasn't a human thing to do, so Levi dropped his hands into his lap, fisted tight, and snapped his wing back behind him where it belonged. For the first time, he wondered whether the twist in his stomach when his wings were touched was because of the completely rational desire to behave like a normal human, or because he couldn't shake the feel of Gabor's greasy fingers on them.

Hot fury ignited in his veins once again and he cursed the fact that he was stuck here, waiting. How long was Hange going to take?

It was inching towards what could already start being called morning when a figure darted back into the alley, Hange's movements easily recognizable. Finally. Levi dropped down in a rustle of wings, and Hange grinned at him and pulled out a roll of paper.

"Got your stuff!" she said cheerfully. "You know, I had my doubts about you actually being a big bad underworld jailbird, but damn, you know your way around there. Everything you said was true. And the disguise worked like a charm! They totally weren't expecting it when I haggled them down to half the price."

Levi gave a soft impressed whistle. Haggling with Amsel took skill. "You didn't have to," he said. "But thanks for rescuing my salary. Ready to go?"

"Yep! But here, you keep the stuff. If something happens to it, you won't be able to blame me."

Levi rolled his eyes but accepted the cylinder of paper, tucked it safely away in his waistband. They climbed to the roof, where Hange grabbed onto him and they headed off. The whole way back, he listened with half an ear as she expounded on her experiences at the top of her voice, as if a jaunt into the underworld was something one could do for _fun_. Then again, this was _Hange_ , who whooped with joy fighting titans.

They landed with little incident near the horses. Levi was proud of his mount, which wasn't bothered at all by his wings and just whickered at him softly, looking for a treat. "Later," he promised.

Then he sent Hange ahead while he hacked his wings off, and they were back to the base with just enough hours left until reveille to not feel like they'd slept enough at all.

\---

Next morning at training, the drill instructor called him out of line. "Commander wants you," he said with a sour tilt to his lips. "You may be better than the others, but that's no call to act as if you can skip drill! I'll be giving Erwin a piece of my mind. Get going."

Levi resisted the urge to say anything (with great maturity, he thought), and headed towards Erwin's office. Reluctance dragged at his heels, because this upcoming conversation was sure to be awkward and unpleasant, and the windows in Erwin's office were too small to make him feel safe.

The way Erwin looked at him when he entered, searching his face and certainly seeing the signs of lack of sleep, boded ill.

"Sit down," Erwin finally said, and Levi planted himself in the chair across from his big desk, resisting the urge to brush his hand across the seat first. "How are you doing?"

Levi shrugged. Erwin kept up this hopeful look, as if Levi would just talk and everything would smooth over nicely. Well, Erwin could command him, could make him sit here, could tell him to die, but he sure as hell couldn't make Levi talk. Looked like Erwin knew it, too.

"You don't look like you've slept," Erwin tried.

"I slept enough."

"Is it because of Gabor?"

"No."

"Did you suffer terribly at the party? You seemed to enjoy the food, at least."

Levi shrugged again. "Was my presence useful?"

Erwin sighed heavily and rubbed at his temple, allowing Levi to see weakness. Pretending to be vulnerable, so Levi would let down his guard. Two weeks ago and it might have worked, but now Levi had so much more to lose.

"Very," he said, and that was actually a small comfort. At least it hadn't been for nothing. Levi didn't reply to that, though, just sat quietly to see what Erwin would say next, heart pounding just a bit faster than usual.

"Levi." Erwin's soft personal tone, so different from the one he used as the commander arrested his attention. "What have I done wrong?"

 _Nothing_ , Levi suddenly realized, it wasn't Erwin that had done anything, because Erwin was being so careful and patient with him. It was _Gabor_ that Levi hated, Gabor who made him believe that he couldn't trust anybody, Gabor who had hurt and humiliated him, who haunted him like a spectre. As long as Gabor lived he'd never be able to stop seeing him lurking in Erwin's shadow.

Maybe Erwin was safe. Maybe this wasn't an elaborate act, or a lie, or a complicated con. So Levi tried to pry himself open, just a little, to see what Erwin would do.

"It's because you know," he mumbled.

"You _saved my life_ ," Erwin said, leaning forward across the desk. "I'm grateful, Levi, because you allowed me to continue on this path, to fight for humanity. I thought you showed me your wings because you trusted me with your secret. I understand now that this was not the case." Erwin's carefully-hidden disappointment was so plain Levi had to look away. "I understand that you had no intention of staying, but you _have_. I'm so grateful for that, but I need you to give me a chance."

Levi swallowed. "I am," he managed. "Giving you a chance." He would kill Gabor and then he would see Erwin's true face, unclouded.

Hints of a quick smile crossed Erwin's features – eyes crinkled, lips curled up – before he schooled himself. "Is there anything I can do?"

Levi had no answer for him. _Tonight_ , he thought.

\---

As the day wore on Levi found himself growing calmer, frazzled nerves settling with familiarity. He'd done hits before, knew what could go wrong and how to prepare. The only real risk was that he wanted to wear his uniform, to make it eminently clear who he was – but that meant it could be recognized. Perhaps he'd keep part of it on and hide it under another set of clothes.

Dinner was quick, as he came and left early, trying to avoid Hange and his squadmates as much as possible. Tonight he was returning to his old self, Levi of the Sina underworld, a man who had no place among the Survey Corps.

He ended up skipping out on his evening responsibilities. He'd get punishment duty tomorrow, but he didn't care. Instead, he sharpened his knives. Not just the little one he always carried around in his boot, but two larger ones to be worn at his hip. Gabor didn't deserve to die by a titan-killing blade. This was personal, so Levi would be using his own knives for it.

Levi swapped his white uniform pants for something darker, same with his shirt, but slipped his uniform jacket back on. He covered the breast and sleeve patches with dark fabric but left the back alone. With his wings out it'd be invisible anyway. Both knives got belted at his waist, one on either side, the small one returning to its customary sheath in his boot.

He was ready.

Avoiding soldiers on the way, Levi slipped upstairs and out a window leading to the roof. He sat and watched the base as it quieted gradually, the lights thrown across the courtyard dimming until all that was left were the small sentry lights. His bunkmates would surely notice he wasn't there. He'd taken the time to arrange a semi-convincing lump under his blankets, but they'd all pulled the prank so often it was little more than a formality. Erwin would know anyway, soon enough.

Levi found himself grinning in anticipation, fear gone.

That was it. The base was as silent as it was going to get, and it was time for him to fly. He cut himself and leapt into the air almost before his wings had materialized. Even if somebody noticed the flash, he'd be long gone. He arced into the sky, climbing with powerful wingbeats, and headed for Sina, the way already familiar to him. At this time of night houses were dark, changing the patterns of lights he knew how to associate with points on the map. Luckily, he knew his way, having flown back and forth to Sina already a few times in the past few days. Besides, even with the lights gone, the moon illuminated the landscape well enough to see larger blocks of buildings, deceptively peaceful. From up here, Sina in pitch darkness looked innocent, hiding her ugly underbelly. Though, to be honest, from this far up she'd look reasonably nice even during the day.

Hange had done an excellent job setting it up. Levi had bargained to have the guards either incapacitated, or for the ones that agreed, a cut of the haul of this supposed "robbery" in exchange for quiet surrender. Normally he'd have done it himself, but he had no intention of cutting off his wings until the whole thing was over, so today somebody else would be profiting. Josef was good, though. If he said the coast would be clear, it would be.

Levi kept high, out of sight, waiting to drop until he was sure of his target to avoid being spotted by anybody who chanced to look up at the sky. One, two, three – there. Fourth window. He dived.

The window shattered under his boots and he landed inside in a shower of glass, wings wide on either side, then straightened up slowly.

 _Familiar, there was the corner that had housed his cage, the bed where he'd been held down_ —and in it was Gabor who let out a shriek at the sight of him.

"Hello," Levi said, knowing that the grin on his face must be translating to his voice and that his body was framed by the moonlight spilling in from the window. Yes, it was theatrical, but he didn't give a fuck. He looked _damn_ good. Everything about tonight had to be _perfect._

"You're," Gabor said weakly. "It's… you're… little Angel?" He crawled forward on the bed, piggy eyes lighting up with recognition. "Your wings grew back! And so large! So beautiful…" He reached out a hand as Levi stepped closer.

"Don't you recognize me?" he said. His heart was doing double time but it felt good. He wasn't afraid, he was floating on a cloud of adrenaline and bloodlust. _Wait… wait…_

Gabor was still staring at the wings, confused, until he finally dragged his eyes away and actually took his first look at Levi's face. Expression bled off of him until only slack shock remained. "I know you… you're… Levi? Levi of the Survey Corps? It can't be!"

"They've started calling me Humanity's Strongest, these days," Levi purred. "Imagine my surprise when I recognized you."

The sound Gabor made when he gulped was clearly audible in the nighttime silence. "It's funding you wanted, isn't it?" he asked weakly. "I supported you at the party, of course I would be happy to continue doing so…"

He was starting to be afraid, the cold sweat on his forehead catching in the moonlight. "Oh?" Levi prompted him to continue.

"I have friends, too," Gabor blurted, "friends who would follow my lead…"

"Put your hands down," Levi ordered. He schooled his expression, kept it neutral, just watched until Gabor stopped trying to reach for him and closed his hands around the carved wooden board set at the foot of the bed. Then, with a movement quicker than the man could track, he drew both long knives and slammed them through the backs of his hands, nailing them to the wood.

Gabor screamed and jerked, tried to flail but finally stilled as every movement aggravated the wounds. Pathetic, Levi thought, as he twisted his right hand in Gabor's collar and jerked him up, drawing another sob.

"It's a shame Erwin's not here," he said. "Erwin does all sorts of things to get money, you know? He'd probably call me off, tell me to let you go. But see, I don't give a fuck about your money." His breath was coming shorter again, body thrumming at the stench of fear coming off Gabor in waves.

"Guards!" Gabor screamed. "Guar-" His voice choked off when Levi backhanded him across the face, then used his fist, until he was back to quiet blubbering.

"Stupid pig," he said. "Did you think I wouldn't pay off the guards? Now look at me, come on." He would have taken him by the chin and made him look, but he didn't want to touch the man's disgustingly clammy skin. As it turned out he didn't need to, because now Gabor was giving his full attention, as if that would somehow save his life.

"Do you remember when you threw me out?" he asked, the day flashing in front of his eyes, lightening up the room. "I kept my spoon once, remember? I managed to hide it, and spent days and days sharpening it when you weren't around." _The scrape of the spoon on the stone floor of his now-stationary cage, too loud in his ears, sure that somebody would hear at any second_ \- "I just wanted to get rid of my wings. I knew you'd be away, see. I took that spoon and tore at them until they dissolved-" _pain beyond anything he'd ever known, vomiting with it, entire body shaking, but knowing that he had to get rid of them, if he was normal he could be free_ \- "and then you found me and got rid of me, remember? Had them beat me and throw me away? Did they tell you I was laughing?" _because it hadn't hurt like tearing off his wings had, nothing would ever hurt like that, and if he hadn't screamed then he would never scream in pain again._

Levi blinked, tried to bring here-and-now back into focus. Gabor was staring up at him, open-mouthed, his fear positively tiresome. "I'd cut off your wings," Levi said, and yanked the blade out of Gabor's right hand, eliciting a whimper. "But you don't have any. Shame. I'll go for next best." And he thrust the knife deep into the meat of Gabor's shoulder.

Gabor screamed like the pig he was, cried, and bled all over the place. Levi was going to be in trouble tomorrow when he had to explain what happened to his jacket. The blade wasn't quite strong enough to cut through the bone properly, so he had to tear it out at the socket. It was enough trouble that he almost considered leaving it at one arm, but when Gabor was still half-conscious at the end of it, Levi decided to keep going. Somewhere in the middle of hacking off the second one Gabor lost consciousness completely, probably from blood loss; his bed was drenched, blood still spurting from his shoulder. At least it was silent, now. He'd been getting a headache.

Fuck it, Levi thought. But he hadn't come this far to do half a job. He finished prying off the other arm, and then cut Gabor's throat for good measure.

It was done.

Levi stood over the corpse, panting, and felt a smile spread across his face. One less person in the world who could hurt him. One less fat pig.

"I didn't scream like that," he said into the silence. "And I was just a kid."

He should thank Erwin for the opportunity. With swift movements, he pulled the topmost blanket off of Gabor's bed and began emptying the room's riches onto it. Silver candlesticks, jewelry, golden fittings from the furniture, anything that could be easily pried off. He knotted the corners of the blanket tightly, held it to his chest, and leapt out of the window.

Gore still coated his hands, sticking to the wrapped bundle and stiffening his clothes, but cloud of blood-stench wrapping him was thankfully slightly dispersed by the wind of his flight. He was going to need a shower, ten showers, but it was better not to be too fastidious while still at Gabor's. People knew of his insistence on cleanliness; he didn't want to leave even such a tenuous thing to connect him to the crime.

He was so distracted by his spinning thoughts that he nearly missed the drop to the Survey Corps base and had to swing back. He counted windows absently and caught sight of Erwin's, bigger than the others because of commander privileges, and found himself grinning again.

Smashing Erwin's window wouldn't be appreciated, so he took the time to swing it open. Lucky Erwin didn't latch his window at night, otherwise he'd have had no choice but to break it. His wings weren't built for hovering, and he wouldn't be able to do it long enough to pick open the latch. Even so, he still had to fold his wings and do an awkward sort of drop to get in. Not many windows could accommodate his over-two-meter wingspan.

Erwin was up like a shot at the first noise, sitting up in bed with tousled hair and wide eyes. It was Levi's first time seeing him like this (or was it? Erwin had been less than put-together when Levi had rescued him, too). There was something calming about the vulnerability overlaying Erwin's strength, so different from Gabor's pathetic terror.

"Here." Levi tossed his makeshift bag of riches onto the bed, where it fell open and spilled its glittering insides over Erwin's legs. "I brought you a present."

"What is this?" Erwin breathed, then looked up at Levi. "Levi, what have you done?"

"Just butchering an animal." It took Erwin less than a second to make the connection. Levi appreciated his cleverness.

"Gabor," he said. "What were you thinking? Why would you do this?" Erwin was getting angry, voice rising with the heat of it, and it made Levi's blood run hot again. "I gave you no permission to-"

"It had nothing to do with you," Levi snarled. "It was a debt from before you ever knew me. I just thought it would be a shame to have the rest of the underworld profit from his fat carcass without the Corps getting a cut of the loot."

Without even noticing he was pacing restlessly, his feathers rustling behind him.

"That was ill-considered," Erwin said. His voice was tight with anger. "You jeopardized everything I've been working for, all for some revenge!"

"I jeopardized nothing." Strangely, Levi found himself laughing. "Come on, Erwin, you don't think I know how to do a hit? Give me some credit."

Erwin's jealous, he thought. Because Erwin wanted to own Levi and _couldn't_. Even now he could see the anger draining from his commander because Erwin didn't actually _care_ about the life of some disgusting noble as long as Levi didn't put the Corps at risk. He cared about Levi more.

_He cared about Levi more._

Levi watched Erwin dig through the blood-spotted riches absently, inspecting and admiring.

"You can sell those on the black market," he said. He wanted Erwin to look back at him, to _pay attention_. Too much adrenaline was rushing through his system. He was done, Gabor was finished, but he needed something more. He watched the play of moonlight on Erwin's skin. With all that muscle, chopping off Erwin's arms would be much more difficult. He liked that.

"Even if you're careful, I don't want you doing things like this anymore," Erwin was speaking, though Levi found it hard to focus. "Next time, you come to me."

"Fight me," he replied, without even thinking, but knowing it was perfect. Erwin's eyes jerked back up to meet his, momentarily speechless.

"No. It's the middle of the night," Erwin said with finality. Levi was pacing again, watching as Erwin's eyes followed him back and forth.

"If you don't fight me, I'll go searching for titans," he said. Yes, that would be good too, blades in hand, flying against them, though not as perfect as fighting Erwin. It wasn't a threat; he just needed a fight so damn badly right now. Needed to pit his skill against an enemy that justified it.

"I understand," Erwin said and _yes_ , he was getting out of bed, pulling on a shirt.

"Roof," Levi told him, unable to disguise his glee, and leapt out the window before Erwin could reply. A short glide took him to a flat patch of roof where he landed easily. _Hurry_ , he thought, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. How long did it take the landbound lunk to climb a few stairs?

Too long. It felt like hours before Erwin joined him though the man had clearly hurried, not done much more than put on a shirt and some boots over his sleep-pants. He slowed down as he came towards Levi on the roof, pace measured. The look he gave Levi was challenging, but still just a bit sleepy. Levi was going to knock the sleepiness right out of him.

"Well?" Levi said. "Come on." He unbelted the knives at his hips and tossed them aside, then shifted into a fighting stance, spread his wings a bit, and brought up his hands in readiness. Erwin looked a bit uncertain.

"But the wings," he said.

"They're part of me," Levi said before he could think and then wished he could swallow the words. But they _were_ , weren't they? Another limb? Maybe it was okay, now. Maybe it could be okay.

Erwin frowned, then shrugged and attacked. Levi blocked two fists and then twisted, using his right wing to knock Erwin flying. He couldn't rely on that normally, preferred to rely on speed and using the opponent's strength against them to win, especially with somebody as strong and well-trained as Erwin. But the wings changed everything. They tripled his size and packed more in muscle than the rest of his body put together. So he waited patiently while Erwin got to his feet. Erwin was sizing him up differently now, looking at him with new eyes, reclassifying Levi in his mind as more of a threat. Normally, Levi didn't fight like this – he went in strong and fast, hoping to have the enemy down before they even realized they'd been attacked. Now he could afford to give Erwin time to think, confident that it wouldn't make a difference.

The next attack was more careful and calculated, feinting and trying to use Levi's own size against him. Levi couldn't dodge as well with the wings in the way, so it was a good idea, but what Erwin didn't know was how much Levi's wings were seated in his consciousness. He might not have as much experience fighting hand-to-hand with them out, but he still had his instincts. He dodged blows to his face and stomach but allowed Erwin to grab him and try to knock him over – only to brace himself on his wings, splayed out at his back and propping him up. Erwin just had enough time to register surprise that the move hadn't worked before Levi swept a wing out again and bowled him over once more.

When Erwin stood up again he was frowning. Levi couldn't help the hint of a smile in response. Knocking Erwin over was positively _exhilarating_. Watching Erwin calculate, trying to think about how he could take him down was even better. Given time Erwin would certainly manage to tailor his fighting style and Levi decided he was done waiting. His turn.

He took two running steps and leapt, propelling himself forward with a shallow flap that rocketed him right into Erwin. His speed was greater than Erwin could anticipate and he barely had time to brace himself. Erwin crashed to the ground with a grunt while Levi pushed off, catching the air with his wings to allow him to land gracefully next to him. The sprawl of him calmed Levi's nerves. The knowledge that he was _allowed_ to do this released something inside him. Erwin wouldn't turn on him for no reason. Erwin didn't _need_ to assert his authority over Levi. He could allow Levi to knock him down over and over and still trust that tomorrow Levi would stand obediently at his back. He was strong enough to take Levi at his worst.

Even now Erwin was gamely trying to get back up, willing to continue until Levi called it quits, and that was enough for him to close a hand around Erwin's bicep in silent communication. Erwin met his eyes and must have read something there, because he flopped back, relaxed, with a hint of a smile.

"I yield," he said, the words slotting perfectly into Levi's heart as if he had been waiting to hear them his whole life.

There was something warm in his expression, in his eyes blazing in the moonlight. Erwin could let him do this because he wasn't afraid of Levi. The adrenaline rush was dying down, slowing to a warm sluggish heat pumping through Levi's veins, no longer urgent. Levi crouched next to him and just watched while Erwin sat up, eyes locked with his. 

Of course Erwin wanted to touch his wings. Everybody did. He wondered, though, if with Erwin it would be different.

"Touch them," he whispered. This was something he could _choose_.

"Are you sure?" Erwin asked, making Levi wonder if he wasn't wrong. Maybe Erwin _didn't_ want to, and if he didn't, what did that mean? Why not? What was wrong with Levi?

He hardly heard the apology Erwin murmured or understood why, because more important was the fact that Erwin was extending one hand, and the sound of his pulse in his ears drowned out Levi's thoughts until those fingers made contact with his right wing.

It felt _wrong_ , brought back a wash of sick memories, but at the same time felt like nothing he'd ever experienced. That's what he was here for, to be free from Gabor forever, and that meant erasing the feel of his greasy fingers. Erwin's fingers were nothing like that, clean and strong, and he touched in a way Gabor never had, for Levi's pleasure and not his own. Erwin followed the direction of the barbs, stroked the feathers into neatness over and over until Levi thought he'd go crazy. It was a thousand times more intense than preening himself. Without even knowing what he was doing he curved his wing further over Erwin, giving him easier access, while his breath came heavy. Erwin kept going, understanding his wordless request, and it felt so good, better than anything. It made his entire body relax, pleasure erasing the remains of tension, mind clouding with it. Kind of like sex but not, he knew there was no climax to be had, just a constant ebb and flow of sensation lapping at him. He could have stayed there forever and been content.

And that wasn't human, was it? This wasn't normal. Sex was normal, massages after training were normal, but this wasn't something a human should be experiencing. Like a cat getting its neck scruffed, here he was luxuriating in animal pleasure. He shouldn't enjoy this, Erwin shouldn't want to do this, Erwin had brought him in as a _human_. His breath hitched and Erwin stopped but it was a relief because nausea was overpowering the calm that had threatened to take him over. More of that and he'd have given himself to Erwin entirely. Humans weren't like this.

"Levi? Did I do something wrong?"

He couldn't find it in himself to disbelieve Erwin's visible concern, and in that moment everything crystallized.

"I know what you can do," he said, the words tumbling over each other. "Forget about the wings. I'll be your soldier, I'll fight for you, I'll defeat whatever you send me at. Anything. But forget I have wings. Let me fight like everybody else. Just let me be your soldier until I die."

Everything would be perfect, then. He'd be free, he'd be Erwin's, he'd be able to go down to the mess hall as just another soldier among many. Letting Erwin pet his wings would be okay because if he was human, utterly human-

The thoughts spiraled away into darkness because there was no answering smile on Erwin's face.

_No._

"I'm sorry," Erwin said gently, though Levi could hardly hear the words over the sudden rushing in his ears. "I can't lie to you. Even if I promised you now, the day would come when I'd need your abilities. I won't break my word to you, so I cannot forget."

 _No_. Levi shook so hard he felt his bones rattle, his wings rustling like a far-off storm. Erwin was still talking, promising empty things – that he'd use Levi's wings wisely, that it would only be in the greatest need – but Levi couldn't hear him. All he knew was that he had been denied forever. Bile rose in his throat with creeping shame that he had dared ask for anything more. He had bared his heart to make a selfish request when he should have known better. His wings were more important than his humanity and would always be. Erwin was willing to risk Levi's leaving rather than give up his claim on Levi's wings.

Levi stood up and backed away, step after step, while Erwin fell silent.

"Levi," Erwin said, and held out a hand that Levi could never take. He turned and ran, dived off the roof and landed badly in the dust of the courtyard, pressed himself into the shadow of a building.

He should leave, he _would_ leave but there was nowhere for him to go. He'd thrown it all away to join the Survey Corps, and his life had been shitty enough that there hadn't been much to toss. Erwin was so close to treating him like a human, closer than anybody else. Wasn't that the better option? Erwin might need the wings more than he needed Levi, but at least he cared enough not to lie.

It was something, he thought. It was some kind of life. He sat down in the dirt, curled gore-crusted hands around filthy knees and tried not to feel the ache in his chest.

"There you are." Hange's voice reached him from a thousand miles away though she stood so close to him. "So how'd it go?"

Levi stared up at her with absolutely no clue what she was talking about.

"Gabor," she said, frowning. "Something went wrong?"

Oh. It felt distant, like it had happened to somebody else, a long time ago. Hange looked alien, standing in the moonlight at the edge of the shadow Levi was hidden in. The rift between them yawned wider than he could fly across.

"You want to study me?" he asked, his voice flat and foreign in his ears. "You always wanted to know what I am, didn't you?"

Hange took a step forward into the shadow, her expression muted in the darkness. He could just see her outline as she crouched in front of him. But when she spoke her voice was warmer than he expected, close and intimate.

"What you are?" she said, and gave a little laugh. "What's wrong with you? You know, I used to have this friend, Lena. She had the prettiest hair you've ever seen, fire-red and a little wavy, running all the way down her back."

He had no idea where Hange was going with her rambling, but allowed it to wash over him.

"She cut it one day, chopped it all off and people made such a big deal, they practically wanted to hold a funeral for it. But you know, no matter how pretty it was it was just her hair. Your wings are special, but they're just wings. I know exactly what you are. You're a guy that grows wings sometimes, which is hella cool. But they're just a thing you have. Like hair. Like a mean right hook."

Levi gulped, uncurling almost without thinking about it. "You mean that?" he asked unsteadily. _Just a guy with wings_. "I'm human?"

"Oi, who's the scientist here? If I say you are then you are. Don't you start doubting my research, I have big plans for the future that will need your support. Now what happened with Gabor?"

Haltingly, without thinking, he told her about it. He even forgot to soften the description of how he'd killed him, but Hange seemed unbothered. When he described the gift he'd brought Erwin she laughed so hard it made him want to laugh too, though he couldn't quite find the place within him where laughter started, so he settled for a quiet snort.

He was tired now, far more exhausted than he could ever recall being, so he pushed to his feet and suggested they go to bed. When Hange agreed, he drew one of his knives and held it out to her, hilt first.

"Cut them off for me," he said and turned his back, spreading his wings to the sides to give her access. His pulse picked up and for a moment he felt alive again. The Survey Corps set him free, he thought. It was right that Hange should cut them off, make him human again.

"Oh, um." She was too careful, taking her time and trying to grip him near the shoulder, considering the best place to make the cut. Her touch was lighter than Erwin's, curious and fluttering.

"It doesn't hurt," Levi lied. "Just do it hard."

"Okay… here goes!"

She swung, and in a sense it really _didn't_ hurt, because the blaze of relief as each wing dissolved was far greater than the rush of agony. He turned back to Hange, heavy and solid and so much smaller than before. She beamed at him, no different from how she'd looked at him with the wings.

"So, how'd I do?"

"Good," he said. "Let's get some sleep. It's basically tomorrow."

\---

He was exhausted and sluggish the next day, which wasn't surprising, and the sergeant chewed him out for managing to lose his uniform during the night, which wasn't surprising either. Erwin crossed paths with him once and tried to talk to him. Levi made a game effort to respond, even though it awakened pain in his chest anew and he finally made excuses and ran off. He pretended not to notice Erwin's eyes on his back, or that Erwin looked saddened over something. He was probably constipated.  
It was easy to fill up his day, though everything dragged and felt painfully pointless.

They no longer made him clean as punishment on the grounds that he actually enjoyed it, so Hange found him on guard duty in the late afternoon when she came to deliver some food she'd sneaked from the mess.

He bit into the meat-filled roll and made a face at the flavor. It tasted like ashes, stuck to his throat and the roof of his mouth. Honestly, did the cooks even _try_ anymore? He could have sworn the food used to taste better. He let out a sigh and looked over the grey courtyard, dull sunlight doing little to improve it. The grass was brownish, the Corps flag limp and faded. The wind was sticky against his skin.

"What?" Hange asked.

"Crappy weather."

She looked over the wall, following his gaze. "Really? It's the same as yesterday."

"Nah," Levi said. Yesterday had been brighter for sure.

Maybe they'd get a mission soon, kill some titans. Just _go_ somewhere. Hange was looking at him with a weird look, kind of reminded him of the one Erwin had been giving him earlier. He wondered what it meant, but didn't care enough to ask.

"You okay?" she finally asked.

"Fine," he said. "Why wouldn't I be?"


End file.
